chickenchoicejudy | SAIL IC INBOX

Are you sure? cuz they feel waaaay related

But cool friend recs are always good too

it's complicated ok?

i sort of called him out for flirting with me when i was stoned and he owned up to it but i think he's like that with everyone so i don't think it means anything

but like

[ there is an overly long pause between texts here as steve types and deletes at least ten different things before he settles on: ]

i don't know, like i said it's complicated

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

has he flirted with you since?

[That seems like it would be a green flag to Ryan - admitting that flirting is happening and continuing to flirt afterwards.]

actually wait back up more important question first

are you cool with him flirting with you? or is it something you want him to like, stop doing?

i haven't really talked to him much since but i realized he's been flirting with me for a while. i thought it was just like i dont know a joke i guess

but i don't think it is

[ he knows he must sound like super inexperienced and is really fighting the urge to make it clear that he's used to BABES flirting with him and also going on dates with BABES and spending time with BABES etc etc. it's a lovely show of self-awareness, this restraint. ]

anyway i don't know. i felt weird at first but i don't think it was a bad weird.

speaking as someone who's tooootally spun it off as a joke before usually it's not. usually it's more like

like if he flirts and you aren't into it it means he can back off and say he was just kidding. Especially if he's from our time, y'know? not everyone's chill about it.

[Back home, they wouldn't have had the luxury of going up to any dude they were interested in and flirting as if it wouldn't have consequences. There's a lot of nuance and vetting that goes into it.]

Different-weird? like not what you're used to?

...have you tried flirting back?

yeah i know. small town usa, not exactly known for our tolerance.

[ steve isn't proud of it, but he used to be a major asshole in that regard. learned behavior, not that that makes it any better. he's come a long way since then. ]

i guess different-weird is one way to put it. i don't know. i don't mind it. maybe i kind of like it, but then i think maybe i just think i like it because he's familiar and i miss home.

does that make sense?

small town anywhere, my dude. did I tell you I'm canadian?? anyway I'm canadian and...yeah. small town anywhere.

[Not that he was ever overtly bullied or anything, not really. He's too good at being able to laugh at himself and be the life of the party wherever he goes. But it was also an open secret, emphasis on secret. Things probably would have been different if he was actually trying to date guys in high school.]

yeah that makes a lot of sense.

i don't think those have to be separate things though? like. think about anybody you've ever liked before. boy, girl, cartoon fox, whatever. nobody likes anyone for just one reason. so...if you like him, there'll be other stuff.

like maybe you like him because he reminds you of home and maybe you also like him because he's got nice hair and smells good. It can be a lot of things!!!

[This is oddly specific for someone who's never met Eddie, to the point where maybe it's not about Eddie on Ryan's end anymore.]

yeah you're right. its just weird because i never thought i was into dudes.

[ but now he's realizing he was probably just suppressing a lot of feelings all this time. funny how that works.

he's also got a lot of complicated feelings going on about a girl back home who he thought he was in love with but now he's wondering if he just wanted to be in love with her, or maybe he is in love with her but he knows he's never going to see her again or... god. it's too much to think about. he just knows he doesn't want to be unfair to eddie because of his own stupid confusion. ]

but like even talking about it now i feel like i should be freaking out and if was still home i know i'd definitely be freaking out but here i feel like

i don't know. shit this is hard to talk about

but if hanging out with him gives me something to look forward to on this damn ship then maybe i shouldn't make a big deal about us both being guys

i guess

that's the spirit :)

I guess that's one upside to the whole 'we can't go home' thing. like. no one from home who would've cared is here? so...I dunno, I said this to someone else here but there are waaaay worse places to have a sexuality crisis.

just take it slow, man. besides! If he's actually flirting with you and thinks you aren't picking up on it, maybe he'll start getting even more obvious and take the guesswork out of it.

[Ryan, no, this advice is bad.]

but seriously, don't worry so much about it. if he makes you happy, that's what matters right?

yeah you're right about that. there are definitely worse places.

i think that's why im not really freaking out that much about it. if i was back home i don't know what i'd do. keep ignoring it i guess.

i think i'll take it slow. see what happens. i mean it's not like either of us are going anywhere.

[ famous last words. just a handful of days after this text, eddie and steve would be kissing in front of god and everyone at the price is right. ryan just gives really good pep talks! ]

thanks man. you've helped big time. honestly you sound kind of like my best friend back home. i think she'd be telling me the same stuff if she was here.

true! you've got all the time in the world, dude.

[Not that Ryan's one to talk - he's the king of trying to speed through his own life, but he's trying a lot harder these days to not rush himself.]

yeah? sounds like you've got good taste in friends ;)

really though, she sounds cool. sorry she's not here but glad I can pick up some of the slack there?

yeah she's great. one of the coolest people i know.

[ no need to bring the mood down by going deeper into it than that but he really doesn't want to imagine robin or anyone else being forced onto this hell ship if they don't have to be even if he misses them more than anything so mooooving right along - ]

anyway we should hang out more, man. if you ever wanna shoot hoops or play skee ball or whatever let me know

[ his kingdom for more things to do on this fucking boat honestly ]

totally! i'm the king of skee ball 👑

[He is not. He's okay at it? But skee ball isn't skee ball unless you're shit talking the person you're playing with.]

plus i'm getting pretty good at that dance one from the future too

but yeah! I'd hang with you anytime dude.

[ steve has no idea what the dance one from the future is, to be honest. he's not really looked around the arcade save for the very specific things he knows and is willing to play. perhaps ryan can introduce him to the magical world of ddr (which he will probably not play) ]

cool

next time i'm there i'll let you know 👍

Edited (oop i forgot the emoji) 2022-12-19 16:08 (UTC)

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