PLAYER INFO
Name: Billie Sue
Pronouns: She/Her
Contact: goodhotcocoa @ plurk and discord!
Permissions: Here

CHARACTER INFO

Name: Ryan Akagi
Canon: Infinity Train
Canon Point: Post Canon
Age: 20
Species: Human

History: Wiki!

Personality:

✽ What is your character's main motivation? What drives them and keeps them going?

• Ryan's had big music dreams since he was really young. He put on his first concert when he was six years old with his best friend Min-Gi Park, and ever since then he's dreamed of traveling the world and becoming famous rock stars. It's one of the only things he's ever been able to focus on in his life and every moment of him we see before he leaves home he's singing or has a guitar in hand or is talking about his big dreams of playing New York City with Min-Gi. However, he is betrayed when Min-Gi is finally given a chance to perform on stage with him and ditches him at the last minute. Instead of talking things out, he leaves to try and do the whole music career thing on his own. This goes extremely poorly, and emphasizes how much he needs to have Min-Gi in his life, and eventually he re-learns how to take things at the pace Min-Gi needs to be comfortable.

✽ What is their biggest regret? Why?

• Ryan, despite all of his big smiles and laughter, has a lot of regret and self-hatred under the surface. He regularly beats himself up for things that he doesn't have full control over, like impulsive actions and intrusive thoughts. The biggest canon example is when he momentarily has his number reduced to zero on the infinity train, meaning that his exit opens up and he could theoretically go home. This happens because Min-Gi is actively in danger behind a wall that Ryan can't pass through, and Ryan yells out that he won't leave him. However, with the exit staring him in the face...he thinks about it. He doesn't even move to do it, he just thinks about it, and as if it knows exactly what crossed his mind the train shuts the door and his number shoots back up. Ryan takes this to mean that the train "knows he's garbage" and it sends him into a spiral that lasts for the final three episodes, ultimately leading to a full ADHD meltdown and shutdown. He's very aware that if he had taken his exit he would have effectively left Min-Gi for dead, and even though he didn't do it he couldn't help ruminating on it over and over and over.

✽ What is their worst fear? Their greatest comfort?

• WORST FEAR: Losing Min-Gi again. The last time Min-Gi wasn't in his life he crashed and burned so hard that he hit rock bottom in less than a year. He's been trying really, really hard since their adventures on the train to be considerate and mindful of the fact that Min sometimes needs a little more time than him, but secretly he's afraid that someday he'll realize that he's "too much" or that he needs to stop doing their band to go off and live his own life - get married, have little Minlings. Things that Ryan won't be able to follow him on, that will leave him alone again. Buuuut he's totally never going to admit that or anything. That's so clingy; he's just going to try not to think about it ever.



• GREATEST COMFORT: Music. By the last answer you'd think it's Min-Gi, and it's not not Min-Gi, but Ryan has been all about music since he was six years old and listening to Ziggy Stardust and putting on backyard concerts. He taught himself how to play guitar, despite being famously bad at more academic learning. He's had his life planned out since he was thirteen - get out of Powell Lake, go on tour with Min-Gi, and eventually play New York City (even though he couldn't point out NYC on a map if he tried). When he has his guitar available to him he's often playing it, even if he doesn't have his amp or any of his equipment. Even just strumming an unplugged electric guitar puts him at ease, gives him something to do with his hands.

✽ Top three strengths?

• ADHD: This is really a number of his strengths rolled up into one undiagnosed package, but Ryan has always been a little different than everyone around him. This isn't a bad thing though! He has a LOT of energy and burns through it in a way that's almost infectious to the people around him. His hyperfocus on what he loves has led him to become a musician, and he's also very creative and spontaneous. He'll give anything a try, even if someone else thinks it's kind of silly, just to see if it works. He's also capable of quick thinking in the moment, and is especially good at tasks with a lot of little pieces that need to be done simultaneously (like playing guitar and writing music, or driving a car). He's curious by nature and asks a lot of questions, and is usually not afraid to take risks or look foolish by trying something new. The last point might be more of a neutral than a positive, but a combination of ADHD hyperfocus and stubbornness lets him do stupid things to make a point, for a stupidly long time (see abilities).


• SELF-ASSURED/INDEPENDENT: Ryan has known who he is and what he's about since he was a little kid. He discovered a love of music at age six, and when he hit puberty he discovered a love of both boys and girls and never really questioned either. He's never had to do much soul-searching about either of these things, and it's only made how he defines himself in his mind more firm. He didn't have a lot of emotional support growing up, so he had to learn how to rely on himself - because this is who he is, and he couldn't change even if he tried. He's learned that if no one is going to be there for him, he has to be there for himself. Granted, he isn't always good at that, but he tries and it comes off as either confident or cocky, depending how much you like him.


• FRIENDLY: Ryan has always been a social butterfly. He loves chatting with people and always has good questions and fun banter. He's the life of the party and takes over any room he walks into. He even doesn't mind small talk necessarily, though he's good at pivoting away from it into more interesting conversation. He's the kind of person who makes acquaintances wherever he goes, so he gives the impression that you would never have to worry about him on his own. He's good at people and a massive extrovert - it really recharges him to be around others.

✽ Top three weaknesses?

• ADHD: A significant amount of Ryan's struggles with ADHD are due to the fact that he is undiagnosed. The canon paints a pretty clear picture without using the words but on top of that, ADD wasn't added to the DSM until he was 14, and ADHD wasn't added until the current year for him (1987). Between that and the fact that he comes from a pretty large family where there just wasn't enough attention to go around for all of the kids, there was always an expectation that he would grow out of it that just...never happened. He comments that he couldn't have gotten into college even if he tried, hinting that he did poorly in school, and people have a tendency to treat him like he's an idiot. He can be impulsive to a fault, and when he crashes and burns, he crashes and burns hard and there are no survivors (more on this in the self-destructive section). This includes episodes of hypomania, hysterical meltdowns, and even full shutdowns lasting over a day. He can also be really impatient and has a difficult time giving others the time they need to process things, but he's actively working on it by the end of the show and has chilled out considerably.


• SELF-LOATHING/SELF-DESTRUCTIVE: The flipside to being 100% sure of who he is and that who he is doesn't really change, is that when he makes mistakes or even so much as has a bad thought, that is an unchangeable part of him that makes him garbage. Despite all the smiles and confidence and such, Ryan is extremely aware of all of his bad traits and know that they make him a bad garbage person who sucks forever. He's kind of the worst! Other people aren't trash like he is! This has only been reinforced by the fact that he went on a miserable solo tour without Min-Gi where he barely scraped by and was dumped by every person he dated - including one he gave his van to in a desperate attempt to get her to stay (leaving himself homeless and carless in the process). It's easy for him to go overboard in an attempt to regulate, like smoking too much or drinking until he can't stand up - or for him to not take care of himself the way he should (skipping meals, not sleeping enough, putting himself in risky situations). An important note though - this all applies if he is left to his own devices. He's simply not built to be alone, and when he's with Min-Gi this doesn't happen nearly as much. Min-Gi is his rock, and even if Ryan's in the middle of a shut down and refusing food, Min-Gi is there to keep trying.


• STEPFORD SMILER-ITIS: Ryan is all smiles, and a lot of the time they're even genuine! But we find out that he feels like he has to pretend things are going great all the time. He has a tendency to laugh things off, turn them into jokes, or say that everything's going great while knowing with certainty his whole life is falling apart. He grew up not really getting enough attention and being treated often like he was too much. He learned quickly at a young age that unless he was actively dying his problems could wait. The day he was born his dad said he "can't get off the ferry without tripping over another kid" even though Ryan was his first son. At a backyard concert with Min when they were six, he sees that literally no one in his family is even looking at him or cares at all that he's performing. When he said he was leaving home, his dad gave him his van and there was an implication that Ryan never spoke to his family again. There are a lot of things in his life that he has a lot of big feelings about, but he keeps them under wraps. If it's too much for him then it's definitely too much for anyone else, right? If things are going fine, then maybe people will stick around - at least, until they learn he's actually garbage.

✽ What was their last lie?

• "...Nevermind.": One train car contained an art gallery inside, hiding a monster made from the arms of dead passengers. It brought out people's darker thoughts and made them want to isolate from each other, making them easier to prey on. Ryan accidentally figured out how to escape, but did not realize it would only release him from the train car and not Min-Gi. Ryan was left pounding on the door, watching the monster slink out and attack Min-Gi and promising he wouldn't leave him. This was enough to get his number down to zero, which made his exit open up...without Min-Gi, even though their numbers had been previously synced together. Ryan stared at it, unable to help thinking about stepping through the wormhole and taking his exit. As if recognizing that Ryan immediately unlearned his lesson, the exit closed and Ryan was left facing the worst thing he'd ever almost done. He almost left Min-Gi to die. When Min-Gi finally escapes, he's crying and furious and echoing that sentiment - Ryan left him there to die. Ryan tries to explain, but Min-Gi is too distraught to hear it and accuses Ryan of leaving him. Ryan gets defensive and says "Hey, if I wanted to leave, I could've!" but when Min-Gi asks what that's supposed to mean, Ryan clams up and doesn't confess to what he nearly did. He just says "Nevermind" and moves on without explaining.


Inventory:

• Clothes on his back: Green turtleneck, ripped white jeans, brown jacket, boots, red glasses.


• Guitar: An Airline '59 2P electric guitar and case. The case has a number of stickers/patches on it, including a map of British Columbia, a dolphin, a razor blade, cover of his solo album, a raised fist, logo for his band Chicken Choice Judy, and a lightning bolt. No amp or equipment, but he's happy to just play it unplugged anyway.


• Chicken Choice Judy Shirt: Band Tee Min-Gi made for him that tragically got shrunk in the wash. Has a lot of sentimental value, sometimes wears it as a very punk rock headband. Keeps it in his guitar case.


• Car keys: Useless here, probably has a goofy keychain on them.


Abilities: He's a normal human! His main skill is musical ability, but he's also weirdly strong for someone who looks as scrawny as he does and doesn't have any magical abilities? One time he was so pissed off that Min-Gi didn't like his "tunnel into the party" idea in the Astro Queue Car that he told Min he was doing it with or without him and proceeded to dig a hole literally deeper and wider than he is tall. He also tells Min-Gi that he can totally do it because he has "guitar muscles".

Sample: With Min-Gi on last month's test drive meme!