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[chickenchoicejudy]

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After the mascot netbook post.....

[outofsynth]

[Who knew a silly question about which big cat mascot would win in a fight would cause so much inner turmoil? Not Min. Not when he'd first started reading. He'd quickly discovered otherwise. It isn't even just Ryan's responses that have thrown him, though those are definitely the ones that refuse to budge from the front of his mind.

That, and the mystery of whatever Steph had told Ryan once he closed the book. It had taken some time, but he'd calmed himself down enough to at least freshen up. He doesn't feel great, but he's at least a little more grounded by the time he hears Ryan return to their room. Realizing he probably left his netbook lying on the side sends another jolt of anxiety through him, but he can't hide in here forever. He exits their tiny bathroom, trying to make it subtle as he checks where left the book. It's closed, but definitely looks like it's been dumped there. Maybe Ryan won't notice that though.]

Hey, man.

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan hasn't spared a single thought for Min-Gi's netbook. He's always dropping his own stuff wherever, so it doesn't even register as strange that it's just out somewhere. He kicks his shoes off near the door (both of their sets of parents would be so proud) and casually flops backwards into the nearest chair.]

Hey! S'up?

[Before Min can answer though, Ryan perks up.]

--oh! I grabbed snacks for us on the way up!

[It is, of course, Crunchy Cheetos and Frosted Flakes from the kitchen pantry, since Razlo revealed they were there. It was totally impossible to come out of that netbook entry without craving them.]

Weird that the packages are all different, but I'm preeeetty sure they're the same as home.

[outofsynth]

[He would find snacks thoughtful usually (even it it makes no sense to bring cereal up without a bowl or milk), but not this time. Min's lips set in a thin line as he sees the offerings, sitting heavily in the other seat their room has. Thankfully currently far away from Ryan. At least as much as the room allows them to be apart.]

Funny.

[It's probably just a craving, but Min can't help but wonder if he's thought about this. Does he know he's seen his conversation? If he does, why would he be acting so casually? Maybe he shouldn't have essentially admitted to having seen it already?]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan opens the Cheetos bag (that he was obviously craving more, since he didn't even remember most of other things needed for cereal), but looks up at that comment with a tilt of his head and genuine confusion.

Funny? What? Why would this be funny? Even if he means the packaging, he's too harsh in how he says it for him to be joking around.

It immediately makes him realize the mood in the room is off. There's something wrong here and he sets the bag aside without taking any.]

Are...you okay?

[outofsynth]

[Min stays quiet at first. It's tempting to brush him off and try and act like he's fine, but he's still too rattled, and they're supposed to talk when they have problems. Not that it's a problem. Not for Ryan. But it still hurts he felt like he couldn't say anything to him when he can apparently be so free saying it to virtual strangers.

On the plus side it doesn't sound like Steph gave him the rundown of their conversation at the bar otherwise there's no way he'd be caught this off guard by Min-Gi's weirdness. He might even be more upset if he knew. Not that it really helps him know where to begin. Eventually he settles on a question, though he doesn't meet Ryan's eyes when he asks it.]

Why did you say we were lucky? To end up in the local gayborhood?

[It's a testament to how upset he is that he can actually say that without tripping over his own words. He's surprisingly steady, though there's a definite undercurrent of anger that's hard to miss.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[...Why does it suddenly feel like he did something wrong?

He doesn't think he did. It isn't until Min mentions "gayborhood" directly that Ryan even knows what he's referring to, but then it all hits at once. But he can't think of a reason Min would be mad about that?

He doesn't look at Min-Gi either, not really. His gaze isn't averted, but it feels more like he's looking past Min-Gi, having this conversation with a point on the wall behind him.]

Because we are? There's a lot of reasons, man. It's usually the most fun neighborhood, first of all. The music scene and the club scene there are always really good. Great people. It's...

[Somehow, it's getting harder than he expected it to. Maybe because he's still picking up that anger from Min-Gi. ...Maybe it's enough to have him second-guessing himself, and his own assumptions.]

...it's just a good part of town, usually. And! And it's lucky in comparison to like, where we could have ended up? We totally could have wound up like, anywhere. A frozen tundra, A Wild West Bug Town...

[Ugh. He doesn't like how it feels to skirt the truth of the matter, especially with Min-Gi after everything they've been through. There's a pit in his stomach, and he slides the snacks further away from him. The cheese smells rank now and it didn't a minute ago.

He chances a look at Min-Gi. Did any of that make it better? Worse?]

...Why do you ask?

[outofsynth]

Oh.

[It's still hard to associate that with being lucky, but suddenly the answer feels a lot more obvious. Of course it's just because he thinks it's fun. Of course it's because Ryan can get on with anyone if he wants to, no matter who they are. It feels like a weight's been lifted from him, and his demeanour changes instantly.

He doesn't laugh, but he's definitely more relaxed even if he is visibly embarrassed. It's a relief that Ryan hasn't been hiding anything from him after all.]

I thought... [Well. It's obvious what he'd thought.] I didn't know. You never said. Why didn't we ever go back home if it's that much fun?

here comes the booooy [threat]

[livlaughlove]

[a massive tiger man is rapidly approaching ryan's location.]

Hey, you. Clothes for the buzzkill. Where are they.

who's that wonderful boy [fear]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan just saw Min-Gi's post and he's still humming over the fact that he didn't just ask him outright? Maybe he's overthinking it, but if he turned back first he probably could ha--oOH MY GOD A TIGER MAN

It's not even that unusual anymore, he just zoned out and got startled. He recovers quickly enough though.]

O-Oh, uh. For Min-Gi? ...You're the one helping him?

[It comes out as maybe a little too surprised. Oops]

[livlaughlove]

[the way razlo deliberately shows all of his teeth in his smile suggests that the wild grin isn't just a temporary, cat thing.]

Would ya rather I didn't?

[chickenchoicejudy]

[What a complicated question! Ryan is trying to smile and be polite, but boy he wishes literally anyone else was helping with a reaction like that...buuuut with a reaction like that, let's maybe not piss him off either.]

No, no! It's cool you're here. Uhhh, hang on a sec--

[Ryan still has his wings, so instead of going inside the inn, he kicks off and flies up to their bedroom window (something he's been doing a lot in the last few weeks). To be fair, it is technically faster, and soon he flutters down with an unfolded bundle of clothes in his arms, and a pair of shoes. There's also a bottle of hairspray tucked into the mess.]

Ta da~!

[livlaughlove]

[poor ryan. raz is more interested in the potential chaos that would have been some sort of relationship drama if ryan refused to let him help. oh, well, the guy clearly cares enough to deal with razlo regardless, so he just watches the short flights with interest.

and maybe scrunches his nose at the bundle of stuff, even if he does accept it all.]

He really need all this shit just to walk back over here?

[chickenchoicejudy]

"Need" is probably a strong word, but he'll be happy he has it. I just grabbed what I thought he might want?

[Truthfully it looks worse than it is - it would have been a smaller pile if he took a minute to actually refold things after he unfolded them to look at them. He can't help himself though. He has to tease just a little.]

Why? Too much to carry?

[Ryan, this man could murder you right here and now if he felt like it.]

After sleepies....

[outofsynth]

[Min-Gi wakes up first. Ordinarily it wouldn't be that hard to get up, but even after a few hours of sleep he and Ryan are still tangled together. It's too nice for him to pull himself away from, even with the pang of guilt that comes with it.

AC is powered down, still 'asleep' at the end of the bed. The room is still and silent. He has time to enjoy this. Maybe even pull himself free and freshen up before Ryan wakes up. He shifts carefully, trying to get himself comfortable again without disturbing Ryan.

It's nice being a little taller while holding him like this. It makes it easy to rest his face in Ryan's hair, breathing him in.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[In the time they've been asleep, Ryan has made himself cozy without really trying to. He let himself be pulled in close, but at some point during their nap his arm curled around Min-Gi, hand resting comfortably against his back, holding him like he fell asleep with a stuffed animal. His other arm is messily buried somewhere in the pillows and his legs are curled up a little so he doesn't accidentally kick their metal dog (which would admittedly hurt him more than it would hurt AC).

His hair smells like sweat and dirt from the ruins since neither of them showered the night before, but there's still traces of his shampoo under it along with his usual baseline. Despite everything, his hair is still on the softer side.

Ryan feels Min shift and nuzzles closer to his chest instinctively. He doesn't seem disturbed, not really, but he's inching closer to the waking world by the second. Min can probably feel him breathing softly against him.]

[outofsynth]

[He freezes up when he nuzzles against him, face heating up. It's not as though they've never slept like this before, but on top of everything else this feels more deliberate. And maybe a little creepier if Ryan catches onto what he'd just been doing.

Moving now will only make Ryan wake up quicker, which leaves him trapped here, unable to do anything but wait and hope that he'll pull away from Min before he wakes up properly.

His heart pounds loudly in his chest as he waits, tense and nervous. Maybe he should pretend to be asleep? Would Ryan buy that?]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[He's so comfy exactly where he is, but unfortunately he can feel himself slowly floating up to the surface. He couldn't have been asleep that long, but he can already feel his brain firing up wondering if he can guess what time it is so he's pretty sure he's done for.

Then it hits him that the heartbeat he's feeling isn't his own. He's...up against Min. Like really up against him.

God, he feels like such a creep - how does Min-Gi deal with him clinging like this? He's probably just trying to be polite or whatever and Ryan has him.trapped here.

So, since this is almost definitely his fault, he feels around blindly for the nearest pillow so he can make a show of stretching and then burying his head under it, like he's still trying to hold desperately onto sleep.

(Really though, he's peeking out from underneath it, watching what Min does now that he's let go.)]

[outofsynth]

[As Ryan releases him, Min-Gi lets out a breath he'd been painfully aware he'd been holding. This time he doesn't hesitate to sit up, manoeuvring himself so he can swing his legs out without disturbing either Ryan or AC.

Ryan clearly still wants to sleep, so he's quiet as he grabs clean clothes and retreats to the bathroom to freshen up.

He's fine. Everything's fine. Maybe Ryan won't even remember Min being weird when he was still mostly asleep.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ah, he was right. Min-Gi woke up and couldn't get up because of him. Oops.

He watches, and once Min heads into the bathroom, Ryan sits up. He's definitely too awake to fall back asleep now, but at least he can act like he woke up totally on his own with no idea he trapped Min with sleep cuddles he probably didn't want.

A shower sounds nice, but so does feeling more awake in general. It takes a minute for him to figure out where his glasses fell, but putting them on helps immensely. By the time Min gets out of the shower, Ryan is sitting up cross-legged on the bed, in his sleep clothes, hair more dissheveled than usual. It took him the entire length of the shower to get to this point, and he raises a hand in a casual, sleepy wave.]

Morning!

[It's probably not morning anymore.]

[outofsynth]

[The ghosts may be gone, but Min and Ryan are still trapped here. Things feel different between them again, and uneasy as that makes him, it doesn't feel entirely like a bad thing. The problem is, they're still not talking. Not about the things they need to. Their conversations are stilted. They're not looking at each other as much as they used to. He thinks he can sense some optimism from Ryan, but without speaking to him he has no way of knowing if that's real or if he's just reading into things.

Sometimes he thinks he can see Ryan considering bringing up something, but he doesn't. And neither does Min-Gi. Even after talking to their past selves it's still too much.

It's one afternoon while Ryan is out that Min-Gi finds the nerve to finally get the words out that he needs to. Maybe he can't say them out loud, but perhaps it's okay to put them on paper. He can be more deliberate this way. He can say everything he needs to without panicking and messing up. It is easier, but even writing things down he gets through several sheets of paper before ending up with something he's happy with.

Miraculously, he's still left with some time to compose himself before Ryan returns. Even so, Min's heart still flutters nervously as he walks through the door.]

I have something for you.

[He smiles cautiously, trying not to dwell on how his last confession went before Ryan's so much as glanced at the letter.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[By some small miracle it isn't quite as awkward as it was before, but things have still been quietly weird between them. It's not like Ryan's giving him the silent treatment! They still talk, it just...hasn't been about any of the things they need to talk about.

Okay, maybe it's still awkward. It's awkward in a different way.

He knows he needs to talk to Min-Gi. And he wants to. Finding the right moment has proven to be pretty difficult though. What's the least awkward way to have this conversation? How does he even broach it without making Min-Gi feel like he's failing him? There have been moments where it almost happened and then Min-Gi noticed him and he short circuited and brought up literally anything else.

When he comes back to the room, it's after taking a good walk to try and think a little clearer, and he comes back with two warm coffees in hand from the cafe. He had to delicately stack them on top of each other for just a second so he could open the door, but now he has one in each hand.]

Hm? Something for me?

[He wasn't expecting to be surprised with something in return, or at least not literally at this second. He looks at the cups in his hands and then holds one out to Min with an awkward smile of his own.]

...Trade you for it?

[You know, so he has a free hand to take it.]

[outofsynth]

[His smile falters as he catches Ryan's surprised expression. He's missing steps again. The whole point of the letter is to make sure he gets his message across properly this time, but here he is catching Ryan off guard before he's even fully through the door. He takes a breath, nodding in agreement to the exchange as he holds up the letter for Ryan to see it.

It's folded, but not inside an envelope. A tiny red flower is doodled on the visible part of the back, the only acknowledgement Min's given that he might have seen Ryan's comment to Ain's advice column.]

I can leave. Or I can stick around while you read it. It's, uh... not bad? Hopefully?

I mean... I want it to be a good thing.

[He's honestly not sure which option would feel more excruciating, but the coffee will help pass the time either whether he's in the room or not. That was kind of him to bring.

He holds the letter out without further comment, hoping Ryan won't notice how sweaty his palms are as he switches it for the cup.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Writing him a letter when they talk in person was always going to catch him a little off guard, but it isn't a bad thing. It's one of the striking ways they're different - Ryan usually loves a surprise, and it's clear as soon as he takes the paper that this is a good surprise. The flower is cute!

Honestly, watching Min-Gi stumble over his words is sort of cute too. If he hadn't, Ryan out have opened the letter and read it immediately without any thought about whether Min-Gi was in the room or not.]

You don't have to leave. Unless you want to? --Not like that, I mean. If it's too weird to watch me read it.

[He's already set his own cup down and he's itching to open it. He doesn't have reason to think it's anything negative, so he's just excited (though, if he's being honest, he could definitely picture Min writing a resignation letter for a relationship).]

Oh! Orrrr a compromise? Maybe I turn around so you don't have to see any weird faces I make while reading it but you don't have to actually ditch?

[outofsynth]

[A compromise could work. Min-Gi finds himself nodding numbly, already in his head even before Ryan has opened the letter.]

I guess I could turn too.

[The desk is right there. He can sit and drink the coffee Ryan so thoughtfully brought him back while he processes what he has to say.

That doesn't mean he doesn't sneak occasional glances over at him once he's certain he's started to read the letter.

Ryan might even catch him once he's done.]

Dear Ryan,

I'm writing this because I care about you, and I know I haven't been doing the best job of sharing that with you. It's been hard for me to say the things I want to out loud, so I hope you understand why I've decided to put them in a letter for now. I wanted you to know that even if it scares me, that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. If I'm being honest, I've wished that I could be for years. I just never believed it was possible, so I tried my best to push my feelings away. I told myself it was wrong. That maybe it was okay for other people, but not for me.

Part of me still thinks that, but I know I shouldn't. I know that way of thinking is hurtful to you as well as me. I'm doing the best I can to change that. I want a relationship with you, and you deserve to be with someone who isn't ashamed. I want you to know that I'm ready to try and be that person.

I know you aren't obligated to say yes, and I don't need an answer right away. It might even be better if you take some time to think it over. This is hard for me and probably will be for a long time. I understand if that's too much to ask from you. That doesn't mean I won't try, if you're willing. You're the only person important enough to make it worthwhile.

Yours, if you'll let me

Min-Gi

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan also turns as promised, and then quickly unfolds the letter. He's quiet as he reads, but facing away is good. Min-Gi won't be able to read into any micro expressions he has while reading.

It isn't something Ryan has thought about much outside of music and lyrics, but Min-Gi is an excellent writer. The word love isn't used once, but he can feel it in every word. He knows what hurts and where to improve and it's so much better than that first confession where he tried to promise Ryan anything he wanted if it meant he'd think he was ready. The letter isn't just a promise - it's an affirmation.

You're the only person important enough to make it worthwhile.

He tries to be as quiet as he can as he pushes his glasses up and wipes away any half-formed tears. The letter is folded again, carefully placed into the pocket of his jacket. When he approaches Min-Gi he doesn't say anything at first, but he puts a hand on Min's shoulder so he knows he's there.]

...I don't need to think it over.

[Ryan's always known the answer, even if he delayed things. He adds his other hand and then leans in until he's hugging Min-Gi from behind, head resting in the crook of Min's neck.]

It's not too much to ask, and I'm sorry I made it harder.