Well Apptually

[chickenchoicejudy]

Character info

Character name: Ryan Akagi
Canon: Infinity Train
Canon point & release date: Post-canon, April 2021
History: History
CRAU (if applicable): N/A starting fresh
Powers (no more than 150 words): The power of ROCK N' ROLL and also the power of just being an ordinary human being with no superpowers whatsoever.

Personality

What is your character most afraid of? How are they defined by this fear? (200-300 words)
Ryan's biggest fear, deep down, is being alone. He pushes back hard against it, often doubling down if he thinks someone has rejected him and pushing himself to be independent and self-reliant. He doesn't contact his family anymore, and when he spent almost a year on tour by himself he was at his absolute lowest point mental-health wise. Ryan at his core is someone who needs other people. He needs support, he needs friendship, he needs people who care about him that he can lean on. He tells himself that if no one will come with him then fine, whatever, he'll go alone, but this is only because he feels like he has to. No one can reject him if he assumes they already have. Part of this fear comes from a feeling that if he does wind up alone, it will be because he fucked up in some capacity or because he wasn't good enough or wasn't worth sticking around. Unfortunately, this is a belief that has been reinforced by multiple factors in his life, like break-ups, fallouts with people he cares about, and being dragged on a therapy train because he was "messing up his life and junk".

What is your character's greatest desire? How are they defined by this desire? (200-300 words)
Ryan has been really clear about his greatest desire since he was in middle school - he wants to be in a band with Min-Gi and go on tour, eventually playing in New York City. Outwardly he puts the emphasis on the fame and the rock and roll, but his true greatest desire is buried in a different part of the sentence. What he wants more than anything is to spend his life with Min, doing the thing he loves with the person he loves most. Almost everything he's done in his life has been to try and make this dream happen, and when he wound up on his own his life became directionless and chaotic. He would do anything to try and achieve this, but there have been many times where he thought it was impossible through just his own efforts - and he was right. The real problem was that he needed to wait for Min to be ready instead of rushing ahead as fast as possible.

What is your character's most defining memory or relationship? How are they defined by this relationship? (200-300 words)
His most defining relationship is with Min-Gi Park. The two of them were born on the same day, in the same hospital, and they grew up together in Powell Lake in Canada. They're best friends, but Ryan is also closer to Min-Gi than anyone else in the world, including his own family. They're very different people and they've learned they need to talk things out more often than they used to, but they also understand each other in a way that no one else really can. Ryan developed object permanence on the day he was born so he could look at Min-Gi and be comforted that someone else is there. It's hard for Ryan to imagine life without Min-Gi, and when he was touring on his own it was a catastrophic failure. To some degree, Ryan believes he's the best version of himself when he's with Min-Gi. Saying they were meant to be together probably sounds a little too corny to Ryan, but it's all he wants. His entire future is wrapped up in whether Min-Gi is by his side or not. He can survive without him, but he doesn't really want to have to.

How will not having memories change your character? What core personality traits, if any, will change? How? (200-300 words)
So, a number of things will be very different. First of all, Ryan tends to hide his negative emotions from an internal belief that he needs to act like everything's great all the time. This comes from being from a huge family where there wasn't enough attention for everyone to go around, and it was easiest to be someone who didn't need anyone - to be independent almost to a fault. He won't have that Core to work with at all, so I expect him to express his negative feelings more and to hide behind smiles less - though, I don't think that will stop entirely. He has the capacity to be pretty observant, so if he thinks might make someone feel better in the short term he still might - it just won't be his default kneejerk reaction with strangers as much.

One thing that won't be changing is that Ryan is implied to have (undiagnosed) ADHD, and since this is not something that is caused any particular memories but just how his brain works as a whole, he will still experience a number of those symptoms but without as much baggage behind them. For example, he will still have trouble taking in a lot of information in one sitting and focusing on absorbing it like (ie a school setting) without something secondary to help him focus (doodling, strumming a guitar, etc) BUT he won't have his memories of more than a decade of teachers telling him he wasn't applying himself enough. He won't remember he did badly in school, and he won't remember that he didn't think he could get into university if he tried. He won't remember feeling stupid all the time, and it might do him some good. He might actually gain a little more confidence in his ability to be intelligent.

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Memories

You have 10 memory points. How will you use them?
Major Memory: 2 points.
Buried deep in Ryan's subconscious, cobbled together from stories told to him about the day he was born and vague recollections that no one actually would believe, is a significant memory. So significant that it made its way onto the tape he shares with Min on the Infinity Train of their memories together, despite the argument that people can't recall that far back in their lives.

Ryan remembers being a baby. He remembers being swaddled up and laid in a bassinette, and looking around at his surroundings the way a baby tends to do. Absorbing this new world like a little bean-shaped sponge.

He wasn't alone though. Next to him, another baby was laid down, sound asleep. Ryan was a newborn, too little for words or ways to describe the feeling, but having someone next to him was...comforting. He eased, and felt calm enough to go back to sleep himself.

It's a very fuzzy and foggy memory, but one association sticks out - this other baby is someone very, very important to him. But, he doesn't know who.

Minor Memory: 1 points.
Oranges are good for you. Someone used to send him off with oranges, or sometimes leave them for him already peeled.

The funny thing is, he doesn't particularly remember oranges being his favorite? But they were important. A sign of affection and care.

Minor Memory: 1 points.
The phrase Chicken Choice Judy will cross Ryan's mind now and again. Does he know what it is? No. Does he know what it means? Also no. The closest he can get before feeling ill is a mental image of a cartoony chicken with a pink wig.

But it still crosses his mind now and then - it's kind of catchy, right?

Minor Memory: 1 points.
Just a sentence that echoes in his mind in dark moments sometimes. "It's over, Ryan!". It's accompanied by a door slam, and even though Ryan doesn't know who said that, he remembers that he wasn't sad that it happened with this person specifically.

He was sad that it happened, again.

Minor Memory: 1 points.
Post war American food is disgusting. He has vague memories of joking around about that, but not a whole lot of context. What war? Is he even American?

Major Memory: 2 points.
Ryan has been in a Wild West setting before. The context isn't there anymore, but he knows that he was being chased by a number of large, insect cowboys and sheriffs and things like that - human-size at least, all speaking English. They were pretty pissed off and trying to arrest Ryan and whoever he was with. They even wound up running into a saloon to try and hide.

Evidently it worked out because he isn't currently in bug jail, but he doesn't actually know how that story ends or why they were trying to arrest him in the first place. This is the only memory that's more of a vibe, to have the setting actually feel weirdly familiar. He doesn't think he was from there (since he's not a bug) but he's definitely been somewhere like this before.

Major Memory: 2 points.
Ryan remembers pounding against a transparent red door, calling out to...someone, presumably. He remembers being terrified for them and maybe even a little guilty. He bangs on the door, but no one hears him.

"I won't leave you!" is what he remembers saying, yelling, pleading. It's a choice he's making, he's choosing to stay with this person who can't see or hear him, and can't see the monster slinking behind him.

"I won't leave you!" as something clatters and whirrs on the palm of his hand.

Player info

Name: Billie Sue
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18+
Contact: goodhotcocoa
Permissions: Permissions

Link to invite: Invite
Character in game: N/A